What is Strawberry Generations?
I had no idea about strawberry generations before yesterday. I heard about sandwich generations a couple of years ago when I worked as a note taker on a business and management conference. From this event, I learnt that sandwich generation is defined as adults with at least one living parent age 65 years old or older and who are raising a child or providing financial supports to a child age 18 years old or older. These adults responsible for their own financial needs as well as provide financial supports to their elderly parents and children (probably I am not completely right, from experience I found it a lot amongst Asians).
Then, what about strawberry generations? According to a video from Rhenald Kasali – one of prominent professors in Indonesia, that I watched yesterday; strawberry generation is used to describe the phenomenon of today’s young generations who have many bright ideas and creativities but they are can’t take hardships, easily give up and hurt, selfish and pessimistic about the future. Tracing back the term, it was first appeared in Taiwan to describe those who were born after 80 (that’s me!!!) and have difficulty dealing with social pressure unlike their parents when they were young. However, nowadays, there are many debates regarding the age grouping for the strawberry generation and many believe that the term is more appropriate for those who have behave like a strawberry (one brush, wound or break them easily. In the west is commonly known as snowflakes).
So, if we refer to the first term that appeared in Taiwan, I fall into this category of strawberry generations considering I was born after the 80. And then, very easily to include me as one of those strawberry parents. Despite the negative images, there are positive qualities of this generation: like challenges, not only working for money, dare to express their opinions and easy to adapt to technology. Well, in term of easy to adapt to technology I could say we experienced a rapid change in technology development. from letter, telegram, land line, pager, internet, mobile phone to the latest technology.
Parenting Types
There are different parenting styles, different households have different parenting styles. When my nieces were in elementary school, I used to get agitated whenever I met parents who made a fuss at school after their child(ren) got scolded at school by their teachers. In a couple of occasions, I witnessed teachers had to apologise to the parents because they scolded or punished their children for their wrong doings. The children reported to their parents that they got scolded and their parents decided to interfere just because they refused to accept their children being scolded at school.
I often ask myself if I am being a good parent? I can tell my other half is a good dad and parent, what about me? I can’t say for sure, although I can say that I learn to be, everyday. I disagreed to those parents who got involved too deeply, moreover of those who came to school and made a fuss about their children being disciplined after their wrong doings. I (remain) disagree even after being a parent for the reason that I do think our children have to learn respect at school. We teach them about love and respect at home, and ideally they will learn and practice more on how to respect others.
When I took care of my nephews and nieces, there were times I overindulged them as a consequence of my guilt of leaving them at home and spent less time than we wanted to. I bought them toys and gave up on their wants in exchange of the loss time. I could not give them money, they were way too young. In my younger niece’s case, I helped her beyond need, especially with her home-works and exam. In order to accelerate the process, I ended up helped her to finish her home-works. It’s either I did not have the patience or I felt sorry to see her stumbled between questions and texts.
Based on the 4 parenting styles, I wish I have adopted that authoritative style. I have seen a couple of friends parenting styles changed when their children get older. Maybe it’s the case of our situation too, we learn to get the children involve in any activities including cleaning dishes. I admire how they learn to be responsible of their “duties”, school, home-works and then assisting us at home. Even the smallest thing they do as part of their responsibilities make me proud. Their dad often rewards them with small gifts, from books and toys. Oh, they don’t have that many toys as we like to take them out cycling or swimming (they swim and I pose. LOL… I can’t swim!!)
Why is it hard for me?
Being a parent is a fascinating experience, there is no manual on how to become a good parents. It has been trial and error process. A complete new experience with the first born, as we think we understood the drill and could handle anything when the second one born (and the third and the fourth…). How foolish it is to think that way when we find out that the second time (and the next and the next ones) is another new experience. Yes, mentally we will be more prepared than the first but again, we have no manual in becoming parents. Moreover, children have their own treats. One thing though, most parents that I know put more expectations and responsibilities on the first born as we hope the first born will love and protect their younger brothers/younger sisters.
Talking about parenting, I was brought up in a rich cultural background of Balinese parents in a not-so traditional way, especially due to different background of our mother’s family; many lived in other islands (Java, East Nusa Tenggara and Sulawesi) which pushed us to learn different languages from early age. I remember how my parents let me experienced certain things on my own (such as school competition, learning traditional dances and cycling in the village) and also never let me experienced some other things on my own just because they thought I didn’t need to. My elder brother and sister were brought up in a tough way, they needed to do many different stuff on their own since our parents were always busy. They learnt to cook rice very early. When I was born, things were a little different, my elder brother and sister went to school in different island which made me raised like an only child. Our parents were not as busy; our (late) father was a farmer (after he quit his job as a teacher) and our mother opened a shop, therefore our mother spent most of the time at home taking care of the house while made a living through selling daily needs at her shop (she still has her shop, but she is not as busy as she used to be). I did not know how to cook rice, I had everything prepared. There was one thing I had to do it on my own; school. Back then, I had to do my home-works on my own. My dad would only help me if it required certain items or when sharp objects involved. It also shaped me to be the person I am now, I will try to do anything and everything on my own before seeking help from others. There are the good and the bad side too being raised this way. Despite being independent in a way, I find it hard to seek for help even when I am in dire need for.
My parents gave me responsibilities on my study without putting on any pressure on other things, which was quite different to how my elder brother and sister were raised. As I grew older, I had my first nephew when I was 17. I technically involved in raising him since I often took him to university when he had no one to baby sit. When he was 4 or 5, I prepared for my final assignment as a 4th year Literature student. I had many short classes that allowed me to take my nephew to university. I often left him at our Research Centre for a short period of time since I needed to go back and forth between our Research Centre and Head of Department’s room. My elder sister and my in-law were busy working and they had to leave my nephew with me. I kind of acted as a “mother” instead of an aunty. When I graduated and worked, he had to be left at day care. He grew up as a soft boy yet very tough for his age. He never complained when any of us came late to pick him up from day care; he stayed at home on his own and he also had to take care of his baby brother when he was 5.
When I had my nieces, things turned significantly different. They were raised in a similar situation where their parents had to work and they left with a nanny. However, they had more people to look after them who pampered them to the max, this was the power of grandma and grandpa. They were never complained to be left home with a nanny or some other times with their grandparents from their mother-side (rarely with my mum because mum spent her time at the village). My elder brother was another example of tough love parent while my sister in-law and I were the ultimate example of strawberry generations parents. Personally, it’s hard for me to see them struggling with home-works and instantly lent them helping hands to ease them. This is the main reason of heated arguments between Paul and me in terms of lending helping hands to the boys. For instance, we went out to Macquarie Centre to get our kitchen supplies. On our way to the Asian supermarket, we stopped at a game centre to let the boys play for a bit. They were 3.5 and 2 that time. If it was only me, I would spend a couple of $$ at the game centre but their dad taught me that we didn’t need to spend a penny because the boys didn’t know how to play nd they were happy just by running around the area. The younger one fell when he tried to chase his elder brother, I came running with intention to pick him off the ground but their dad stopped me. I hesitated and then he said, “Don’t worry too much. We just need to make sure they are safe but we don’t need to get anxious when we know they’re fine”. So I stood there. Our baby boy stood up on his own, came to us showing his dirty hands. The dad wiped his hands clean when the mum tried to keep calm and collected.
We were still at the game centre, we had another half and hour before we had to go shopping. Our baby boy wanted to drink from his water bottle, but he accidently let go his water bottle and it hit the ground rolling away from him. Instinctively, I got his water bottle and gave it to him. Their dad saw me handing over his water bottle and another lecture began right away. He said that I did not need to get his water bottle because our baby could do that on his own, plus it was in a safe area where it was feasible for our boys to get it on their own. I had to learn to let them to be more independent without being neglecting their needs. I told him that it’s hard for me to do that and it was natural for me to move and help them; in a way I was raised in a tougher way and I did not want for my children to experience any hardships. If I could help, I would go all out. Then he added that he understood the way I acted was how most of Asian parents reacted when it came to their children. However, we needed to learn to let them grow and experience life; we shouldn’t keep feeding them because when we did they would never learnt responsibilities and they would grow up weak and easy had no survival skills; not even for the most basic skills. I stood still, my logic told me what their dad told me was true but my weak heart screamed I should never do that. I put my heart aside, let my logic came up front.
I still experience this anxiety whenever I see our children (including my nieces) struggle to work on their home-works. I want to help them so they feel be at ease. I need to remind myself that there are things that they need to work on their own and there are things that they need us to assist. Knowing how I am, it will be a hell of a ride for me. I have seen how our boys are more independent at school now. They are 7 and 5.5 and they are doing alright. Although at certain points, I feel that they listen to their teachers more than us. LOL… that’s how it is. I listened to my teacher more than to my parents too. Oh well, their grandparents spoil them a bit too much, another challenging on our assertive parenting journey for the two of us. I hope we will be able to raise them well. Be a loving, gentle, and responsible men.
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